Closet Conversation

I tell everyone that coming out of the closet as same-gender-loving was a piece of cake compared to coming out as a Spiritual Eclectic. Leaving my husband back in the late 1990’s was a painful, heartbreaking experience. He was a great husband, and a wonderful friend. But when you know what you know what you know, and you make a choice to live authentically, it comes with a price. There is a releasing of the old—behaviors, habits, people, even.  It was not easy sharing with folks my choice to live in truth, but at least they had a reference with a few examples in popular culture. Thanks, Ellen DeGeneres—her coming out to People Magazine, and then her character on her sitcom’s famous “Puppy Episode” preceded mine by a few months.

Fast forwarding to 2006 or 2007, I had my spiritual coming out with my family. Just like with my same-gender attraction, I had never shared with them about my struggles with my traditional religion. After all, I am African-American, was born in the South, was raised Baptist—case closed. Until one Sunday morning, at the end of a visit back home to see my mother, I shared with her and my brother about my spiritual community, and its interfaith and metaphysical nature. My mom appeared intrigued, and was supportive. My brother seemed a bit confused, and ended the conversation with, “I’ll pray for you, Tonya.” Never one to turn down prayers, I just smiled and said, “thank you,” even though I was never quite sure what he was going to be praying for!

My mother has since felt comfortable with my spiritual perspective, and knows that there are many paths to Truth to accommodate the differences that abound in this world. And it did help that later that year she came to stay with me for a weekend and got to attend my church, where my Senior Minister delivered a message based on a biblical story. Any other Sunday it could have been A Course in Miracles, the Koran, Bhagavad Gita, or any other sacred text, OR we could have been honoring the Goddesses, the Yoruba pantheon, or drumming and performing ritual around a circle. Yep, Mother-Father God provided a Divinely sweet gift that day!

Anyone familiar with the coming out process knows that it is not a one-time experience—we are always encountering opportunities to come out about something—to our family, friends, co-workers, students, clients, readers, neighbors, etc. This is indeed true for my spiritual coming out, as well. And my spiritual self is continuously shifting and evolving. In a sense, it feels like I am continuously coming out even to myself as layers unpeel and more clearly defined parts of me are revealed—kind of like an Atomic Fireball with layers and layers of mild until you get to that spicy, cinnamon center.  

Although I don’t feel it’s important for me to constantly announce to the world who I am, especially since I am in a continual state of evolution, I believe I need to show up as my authentic, sweet yet spicy self, no matter the occasion or company. Hiding is no longer an option—it has lost its sense of quasi-comfort and pseudo-safety—not only does it require a great deal of energy, it leaves a sour taste in my soul.

While I’m savoring the sweetness in my soul, I may as well kick the closet door shut as I fully reveal other aspects of my true, authentic self.  Here it is: As a child I went into stores and poked meat and other packaged products, squashing plenty of candy in the process. I don’t like Barney, Sponge Bob gets on my nerves, and I abhor Bugs Bunny, Tweetie Bird, and the Road Runner—even as a child, I always wanted them to be captured.  I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, and could easily go the rest of my life without chocolate, butterscotch, caramel, marshmallows, coconut, rice crispy treats, pecan pie, and that nougat nonsense. Yes, there is a dark side, but it seems lighter now that it’s not hidden away in a closet.