Heavy Lessons

I used to think that I was so concrete and practical-minded. Somewhere in my spiritual journey, things shifted, and now I see symbols and learn lessons in everything. I’ve learned that Spirit at times speaks directly and very often indirectly, and it takes practice and focus to pick up on the indirect messages, especially when they come subtly. However last week there was nothing subtle about the message I received and the lessons it brought. It hit with the weight of a ton of bricks.

At the beginning of the week I breathed, stretched, and created affirmations to prepare myself for three consecutive days of corporate massage gigs. For those of you who are professional massage therapists, you know how grueling massage can be on the physical body of therapist. For those of you who are energy healers, you know how emotionally and physically exhausting it can be working on multiple people, back to back, with only seconds to recover in between healings. For those of you who are empathic in nature, you can imagine being in the close physical and emotional space of multiple people, working to facilitate healing for them while still holding your shields and protections in place in order to avoid absorbing others’ energy. For those of you dealing with chronic pain such as arthritis, performing this type of work can at times feel like a Herculean challenge. Therefore, preparation was necessary.

So there I was on Day 1 gig, knowing I had two more days to go, thankful to be earning additional income since I wasn’t teaching college courses for the summer. The venue happened to be a health and benefits fair at a wellness center. It was a very hot day, the air conditioning was not optimal in my crowded outbuilding, and the fans provided were turned on vendors sitting comfortably in their chairs, vs. the two massage therapists working non-stop for four hours.  Participants had been out riding the bikes that were provided, playing kickball, and performing other activities to work up a sweat. Let’s just say it was not the most ideal conditions for an empathic, energy-working massage therapist with an arthritic knee that was acting out.

Despite it all, I was having a great time, connecting to folks, facilitating healing in short periods of time, and enjoying the old school jams the DJ was playing outside. I was in the final half hour of the event, and a very large woman came to receive massage. I took note of her size, because massage chairs have weight limits. I knew my chair had about a 600-lb capacity, and I estimated the woman to be around 400 pounds or so. My chair, which I had purchased in 2009 for my 10 year massage anniversary, was large, comfortable, and accommodating for her. I heard the requests of the lady, who also happened to share my name, and I proceeded to massage her. Halfway through the massage, I heard a very loud crack—as did the rest of the room. The seat on my plush, pink, beloved chair had broken off, and this very heavy weight was about to fall.

Thankfully, I was standing behind the other Tonya at the time, and broke her fall, so that by leaning back against me, she caught her balance, and remained upright. I insured she was okay, reassured her about the chair, ushered her into a regular seat, and proceeded to complete the massage. I continued to tell her there were no worries, and when our time together was complete, I thanked her, reminded her to hydrate, and ushered her on her way. I then moved my irreparably broken massage chair out of the way, and informed my vender contact, who had witnessed the whole thing, that I could finish up providing healing using the regular chair, which is what I did. The heavy weight of Tonya’s fall and the vender’s follow-up words to me hit me powerfully hours later—like a delayed impact received following a car accident. These are the messages/lessons I received:

Lesson 1: It doesn’t matter what type of healing work that I do—I have to remember that it is Spirit, working through me, that is the healing. I AM the healing. I don’t have to be limited to a special chair or a specific modality to be healing in someone’s life. My friend and spiritual teacher, Rev. Anthony Farmer, told me this fact in 2009 when I first stated I desired to release massage as the primary source of income in my life. It showed up clearly in 2014 as a reminder. I am a facilitator of Sacred Healing. Individuals, companies, and vendors may contract with me to provide massage therapy services, but what I am/do is so much more. At that wellness event, healing showed up not just in my hands, but from my heart, imbued with unconditional Divine love. This shifted how I viewed my individual and corporate clients. Massage is not the primary source of income in my life. I receive an energetic exchange (usually but not limited to money) for the Sacred Healing work that I do—massage, gentle stretching, energy work, aromatherapy, breathwork, meditation, intuitive messages, coaching, education, facilitation--and soon, my writing.

Lesson 2: I am not my sister’s keeper, I am my sister. My vendor shared her wonder at how graciously I handled the situation. She noticed that when my client started to fall, I supported Tonya , not just physically, but emotionally. I had her back. I cared for her, reassured her, minimized her guilt and shame, and continued healing with her. Hours later, I realized that I need to do the same for myself that I did with my reflection, Tonya.  When I, Tonya, start to fall, I have to support myself not just physically, but emotionally. I have to have my back. I have to care for myself, reassure myself, minimize/release my guilt (for feeling burdened with massage) and shame (over using my trade school vs. grad school education), and continue healing with myself.  

Lesson 3: Look at what I do and listen to what I say. Spirit speaks to me through me—I just need to pay attention. There I was releasing muscular tension, facilitating stretching, and freeing energy blockages with others, sharing with them what was out of balance in their life, yet I walk with a limp and experience pain daily. My self-healing has been out of balance. Later that evening after the chair collapse, I returned to yoga class after almost a year’s absence, and was just as gentle with myself as I was with the other Tonya earlier that day. I was loving and patient as I worked on stretching, balancing, strengthening, opening, relaxing, breathing, receiving. My knee and hip felt better, and when I returned to yoga two nights later, I felt even more improvement. Also, considering I happened to be working at the wellness center where I used to swim and do aquatic exercise and hadn’t returned to when it reopened months ago—the setting was a message in and of itself. I will return to swimming before the month is out. Finally, there I was massaging folks left and right, week after week, month after month, and I hadn’t received a full massage in 6 months. I have an appointment set up to receive today. 

I would love to go about life, learning in an easy, effortless, and elegant manner. However, that has not always been the case, and at times I have needed to experience a really heavy hit to pay attention and get the message. I can’t speak for the future, but at least in this case, I get it. I not just hear you, Spirit, but I will obey.